He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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