Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
