this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
