I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
wakey wakey hands off snakey
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
