after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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