R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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