how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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