I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
