remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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