I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize