I can text with my tongue
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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