I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
