That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
