Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
