yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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