I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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