Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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