You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize