I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize