My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I smell like Dick and happiness
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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