I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
