I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
