just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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