did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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