My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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