They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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