It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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