I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
