im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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