I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
