Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
