Non-Jews are for practice
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
