Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
