I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All the doctor said was why
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
