Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize