woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
