i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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