Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
