i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
