As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
