that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
