How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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