how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize