need another drink. this is the easiest way
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
