So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
