they need to just BURY HIM!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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