I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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