I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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