Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
