It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
