Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
