Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
