Your face is a jimmy john
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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