This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize