so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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