she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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