Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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