Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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