when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
