Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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