I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
