I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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