Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
