Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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