every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize