Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
we should paint friendship bongs
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