Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
