I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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