Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
