At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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