Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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