I bet he comes in French.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The uberlube is also flammable
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
