Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So many bounce houses so little time
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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