That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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